Help from a Hobbit!

"How long will it take until my child's death doesn't consume me?" I ask myself that everyday. I ask heavenly father how long I will be angry over this. His passing seems to consume every aspect of my life. Every time I bear my testimony,every lesson I give in Sunday school, every time I am having a bad day,every time I blog,it seems that it all comes back to losing Davis. I wonder if the lord is just waiting on me,to humble myself,and accept the fact that this is something I have to just trust with him. I received some comfort last week from a not so obvious place. A hobbit!lol I know,sounds crazy but listening to this silly hobbit,in this silly movie,actually made sense to me. It actually was like a huge "light bulb" going off in my head moment. I had bought the Lord of the rings trilogy for a whopping $6 ,during the black Friday sale. I really hadn't ever wanted to watch it,but hey for 6 dollars,who wouldn't want to buy it.lol Last week I decided I wanted to finally watch it,. At the end of this great movie,this statement stood out most to me, Froto Baggins says “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.” That was me.....I understood that there is no going back.......This hurt is to deep and time cannot heal my heart. I also understood that,although my heart cannot be healed from this great loss,I know that it is not a permanent loss to me. I am so grateful for the gospel and all that I have learned from its teachings. Although this trial has hurt my heart irreversably,I have also became stronger because of it. I am learning more about me and about our loving heavenly father. I have learned that our savior has suffered the pain and agony of every mother and father who has had to bury their child. Every widow who has had to go on alone,every tragedy anyone in this entire world has had to face,the savior has felt those pains,and mourned those losses. I have learned that, the only way to true peace in this lone and dreary world,is through him. C.S. Lewis says it best,when he says
"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." There is no peace without him,there is no comfort but through him. Money,time,people cannot heal my loss,it is only God. Although his death seems to consume my life,it is not always for the bad. Because of this loss,it is like I have found myself. I don't get so upset about things that are not important,I love more,I take things for granted less ,and I live each day,praying for the strength to just get through the learning and testing,that comes with this earthly life. I have began to find myself and find what is important,and what is not. So since almost this entire blog(if you haven't noticed.) is about my life since he left,I am changing the name. I am learning that it is OK if this loss has affect me so much that it consumes my life,because it is pushing me closer to God! Which is where I need to be.